Confession time. I'm a highly sensitive person (HSP). If you're unaware of what that means, allow me to explain. Highly sensitive people are people who experience acute mental, physical, or emotional responses to stimuli. They feel things more strongly than others do. I didn't grow up knowing that I was an HSP. I always felt different from others and knew that things bothered me much more than others. I felt things so much stronger and deeper than most people. If something affected me, it really affected me. I couldn't watch the news or read articles about certain topics without them staying in my mind and me dwelling on them for days after. Certain scents, textures, tastes, and the appearance of different things really bothered me. This is also true for the brightness or sharpness of lights or the sounds surrounding me. I also knew that I was highly intuitive from the time I was about three years old. (I recall certain memories that affirm this.) I am not one for small talk; I, do, however, love deep, heart-to-heart talks and when I'm chatting with someone I'm totally comfortable with, I can talk and talk and talk. I have always felt deeply...even if I see someone walking on the sidewalk, let's say, and they look like something is bothering them, I just feel it. Almost as much as if I were right there beside them. I'm also an extreme introvert, which according to my research and personal experience, makes all of this stronger. According to stats, about 70% of HSPs are introverted and only 30% are extroverted.
All of what I just wrote is still true about me to this day.
Like I said above, I didn't grow up knowing that I was an HSP. I didn't even know that term existed. I simply knew that I was different and often felt broken and that I needed to be fixed or overcome this way that I was. (This feeling never came from within my home. It did, however, come from extended family, public schooling, strangers, church/religious groups, and just the world in general.) I never fit in the box that society loves to put everyone in. About ten years ago, I began learning about different types of personalities according to Myers-Briggs through a book that I was reading. It was one of the best things I could have ever done! For the first time in my life, I realized that I wasn't broken, nor did I need to change how I was or have anything to overcome. Being introverted...extremely introverted...was not a wrong or bad thing. It was not a birth defect or a disorder. It was simply how I created and I eventually came to see it as a gift. It only took me twenty-one years to get to that point, but I'm just thankful I finally did. And while I don't necessarily agree with MBTI 100%, I can and must say that realizing that I wasn't broken and seriously messed up was a huge comfort.
Then began the introduction to OCD's intrusive thoughts and HSP. That was a whole new world for me, but it felt like a breath of fresh air finally discovering that, once again, I was not broken or in need of being fixed or having to overcome something. I learned that I am an incredibly highly sensitive person, and I also learned that all my fears and anxiety and oftentimes, overactive imagination is all associated with OCD. Unfortunately, OCD is often laughed at in jest because most people just do not understand it. It's not liking things to be a certain way or having to clean until the light sparkles off your floor. It is something far beyond that. I'm certainly no expert, but I have read a good deal about it, and I also live with it every single day of my life. It is something complicated and complex and certainly not a joking matter. The same is true for HSP. Highly sensitive people are often seen as weak or wimpy or immature or too emotional or sentimental or sensitive with feelings that are too strong. The fact is, it requires a tremendous amount of strength to be an HSP in this world.
And these days in which we live prove that to be oh so true.
HSPs and our world and society's norms and structures are not a match made in heaven. I only speak as one person, but I'm sure my experience is not the only one out there.
Over the last five years, I have done a tremendous amount of research and learning more about myself. I do not believe anything I have written about here to be "conditions", but rather, I believe them to be aspects of my personality. They are not my entire entity, but rather just a part of who I am. I have learned about myself and healed in ways that I am honestly very proud of...not saying that in a braggy sort of way, but my journey has not been an easy one and I'm very proud of the progress I've made and am continuing to make every day. You sometimes take two steps forward and three steps back, but every step forward is a step toward healing and self-understanding and self-compassion. 99% of my journey is private and personal, as I believe it should be, but that doesn't mean that I can't write and share about healing and understanding yourself in hopes of encouraging others who can relate to what I share. Most of my story will never see the light of day online, but I still think I can share what I feel comfortable with and hopefully encourage others. ♥
The world we live in is, quite frankly, not built or made for introverts and highly sensitive folks. (Note: Not all introverts are highly sensitive; however, most highly sensitive people are introverts. I hope that makes sense.) I'm not saying that in a victim, pity me sort of way, but just as an honest observation and realization. The world and our society are wired for extroverts and those who don't live with a highly sensitive aspect to their personality. Maybe some cultures are more understanding of this; I don't know. The current state of our world as well as things that have transpired in my personal life over the last couple of years along with experiences from my childhood and adolescent and early adult years all make these sorts of things more evident. I have to be incredibly careful about who and what I allow into my life, whether it be people and relationships or media and everything in between.
Our social societal norms are also not built for introverts or highly sensitive people. For example, when you go to a concert, the performer eggs people on and on to sing, clap and dance, when some of us would just rather simply listen and enjoy. We are, in fact, having a marvellously fun time, but we just may not show it in the same way as extroverts. Small talk is a nightmare because we are people who prefer something with more depth. And the idea that one must have a large circle of friends just doesn't work for some of us...we prefer a few very close relationships and care more about quality over quantity. The ideals about happiness and success are far different for most of us introverted, highly sensitive folk. And these are just a tiny portion of the reasons why we often feel like black sheep and outsiders.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed and feel all the feels, as only an HSP can. Some days it's just too much and I need to just stay in the cocoon of my homey haven. The truth is, being an HSP is never easy. We live in a very harsh world with a lot of harsh people. But now, it's even more difficult. The world is far more different than anyone imagined it would be. Things are rapidly changing every day and even if things haven't changed in our personal, daily lives, we still feel it greatly. Something is off. Something is different. A new sort of stress and anxiety has been introduced into our everyday lives. Unknowns about the world are filling our minds and covering the news headlines. It's scary and frightening and unsettling. Fear and anxiety creep in, little bit by little bit until you are overtaken with a mind full of all kinds of thoughts.
What is the antidote for finding peace, calm, happiness and delight even in these days in which we live? I've lived three decades so far as an extremely introverted, highly sensitive person with intrusive thoughts. I've found great freedom and liberation in learning about myself and loving myself just the way I am. It is a burden lifted when you realize that you are perfectly fine just the way you are. You are enough and don't need to overcome or change any part about you. You need to discover the amazing parts of your personality and the things that make you unique. Soon, you'll find that being highly sensitive is a gift, not only to others but to yourself too. Not everyone has this gift, in fact, few do. As you continue on the journey of learning about yourself and loving who you are, you'll discover a peace that washes over you completely and totally. You will cease striving to be someone you are not meant to be. You will stop trying to fix yourself because there isn't anything broken in the first place.
One thing that has greatly helped me along the healing journey is realizing that there is truly nothing new under the sun. People over a hundred years ago were worried about government leaders and world events. When I read authors such as Gladys Taber, I am reminded of this over and over again. Realizing that while we may think our times are nuts and people are getting crazier by the day, folks thought those same things back in the "good ol' days". And the truth is, these are still the "good ol' days", because we don't have to go any way the world is going if we don't believe it to be good and right. Just because the world and our country have taken a major left doesn't mean we have to.
I also believe things such as slowing down and living more gently, learning to listen to and trust your intuition, following your heart's whisper and guidance, leaning into nature's rhythm and learning from the wisdom of Mother Nature, filling your mind with lifegiving words and thoughts, practicing self-compassion and being gentle and kind towards yourself, working on developing a positive mindset and self-talk, accepting yourself and loving yourself for real, and nurturing yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually are the main aspects on the healing journey. Doing those things, along with some daily wellness rituals have helped me greatly and not only that, they have all taught me so much about myself, nurturing overall wellness, and the healing journey. It is my hope that perhaps another HSP will find this post and discover a kindred spirit atmosphere here. C.S. Lewis said of friendship, "Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'" I've said it before, but I'll mention it again. Lewis isn't one of my most favorite authors in the world. I disagree with a lot of his writings and perspectives, however, there are a few that I heartily agree with, and this is one of them, indeed. I hope that HSPs who read this will close this page saying that they have found a kindred spirit and someone else who "gets it".
You aren't the only one! You are a welcome addition into this gathering of kindred spirits.
Perhaps I'll share more on this topic in the future, as my heart is very much about this subject matter. Let me know if that's something you'd like.
May your day be a beauty in every way imaginable!
♥